Motherhood Update

I am doing everything I can to keep my eyelids open as I type this. I wanted to share some thoughts about the kids. Preface… I’m exhausted. Normally a 15-month-old is sleeping through the night, but I feel we’ve just had the worst luck with Berrett all year. He is currently getting his 1-year molars… and has been since September. He’s been waking up a ton and screaming, and I suspect he has an ear infection (we have a well-visit tomorrow for him). Anyway, this last year has been the worst sleep I’ve gotten in all 6 years of parenting. It makes me grouchy, but I think I’ve had a lot of practice in keeping my spirits up for the kids and not being totally miserable. I’m getting USED to being tired. However, I noticed that I wasn’t really enjoying my kids especially, and that I wasn’t having those overwhelming love emotions when I check on them asleep in their beds (love them still. I think i just got too tired). Finn gets the worst of me a lot because of his age and disposition right now. He gets in trouble a lot (because he’s naughty.) He’s also been very anti-mom and very pro-dad all year, which is hard. Today he ran into the parking lot, away from me, as we were walking into Stake Conference, in front of a car. He was screaming bloody murder for dad. Tonight as I tucked in sleeping Finn, who was on his belly as usual, I loved him for the little pads of the bottoms of his wide feet, and I kissed them. I knelt beside his bed and prayed over him. I felt so much love for him. A few minutes later, it was like a little voice said to me, “Let him make some of his own choices.” It was so clear– I have been controlling every aspect of his little life. I had a similar moment with Berrett, who of course woke up crying soon after. He has been challenging because he won’t go to anyone besides me, and he cries a lot.Rocking him in his room, I prayed over him too, and I noticed just how tiny his hands are. I loved them. He snuggled up to me, put an arm over his face as he fell asleep, and I loved him. I was reminded that he is a sweet baby. I love his little personality and innocent face. He has discovered a way to communicate hunger and thirst– smacking his lips at whomever will listen. It’s funny! I have tried teaching him some sign language for “water”, “milk”, and “more.” I know he understands me, but he refuses to communicate back. And he certainly won’t talk! He walks all over this house like he owns it. He still kind of has a stagger like he’s drunk, but he can move so fast! Rose is doing well. I feel like school takes over our lives. And I can’t keep up with all the things I’d like to do for her. I helped out in her class a couple weeks ago, then checked her out of school for lunch and we went on a hot date for pizza at Upper Crust. It was so delicious! And she was so excited. I love being with her. She just wants to have fun 24/7. On Saturday she had dance in the morning, hip-hop/jazz and ballet/tap. Afterward, we cleaned out one side of the garage. It looks soooo much better and I can open the car doors more easily. I also jimmy-rigged stacking two shoe racks together with screws ( Raimo had to cut off the tops of the screws with bolt cutters to get it to fit). And now I have this amazing big shelf for all the shoes that always seem to be going all over the house, and it cost nothing! 

My Rose’s have been beautiful for the last few weeks! And.. It may not look like much, much this is much-improved. Before you could not see any of the garage floor. All the Costco stuff is now up high and much more organized.

Christmas is coming and I am just not ready to buy a million presents! I’m so over that this year, bah humbug! Can’t we just buy Disney passes or a vacation and be done with it??

In the mornings I’ve been turning on the fire and easy music, now Christmas music, while I make breakfast. It makes the tiring mornings much more enjoyable! Today is the first day of Thanksgiving break, and we’re having pancakes!

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